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Jealousy, Target, & Asian baby stalking...

In September @ YWAM Orlando we had something awesome happen in our staff training ( God showed up )! Imagine that, a bunch of missionaries crying out to God & he shows up :) Crazy I know... There was weeping, repentance, healings - both emotional & physical & just a lot of pure awesomeness!! This is a new way of life for us & were not going back..

After this awesome week, as a staff we listened to a podcast called "The Unoffendable Heart..." It dealt a lot with jealousy and it rocked our base!! Sometimes we have no idea how much we can walk in jealousy until God shines his light on our heart & we see that "nasty green monster" for what it is :) Anyways, again there was much repentance the spirit of God was sooo strong to free us of jealousy. When we are jeolous we are walking in unbelief and we are withholding love, compliments & joy from others (nasty right ).

So today I was walking around Target ( didn't need anything, sometimes I go there to catch my breath). So of course I go & look at the baby clothes and I look over and see a couple with the sweetest little asaian girl, my heart jumped and sank all at the same time! This was the time to walk out in the opposite spirit of jeously, my first thought was, "why do they get there baby?". (I know terrible ) So what do I do? I follow them and watch! What do I see? 2 of the happiest parents ever. They adored that little girl, they had no idea there was a world around them they only knew they had a beautiful little baby that they adopted and she is theirs! Yes, in target I began to cry, not because I was jealous but because I had joy for them & for me! I walked over & said "she is soooo cute" they were kind of like "we know" :) I walked out of Target happy for them & looking forward to the day when someone adopting may stalk me in Target :) [I've been stalked many times with my little tysen]. :) The point is, I could have missed out on that beautiful experience because of jealousy :) Don't let jealousy steal your joy when others get what we our longing for!! Rejoice with them, jump up & down, spin around & get super excited...It feels sooo good!!!

The Prayer of "Duck Ghost..."

I got a pressing email last week that moved my heart to tears. It went something like this: "Dear Andy and Rachel, The Director of our adoption agency is making a visit to South Korea in a few weeks. If you have been refered a child, she can take gifts, etc to your child. If you have not, the orphanage is in need of toys and / or financial gifts to buy the children toys, etc. Please let me know if you want to do this."

My heart lept. I had a thought. An idea. What if I gave them a gift to take? Could Pax get it? Somehow. Someway. This was my prayer: that I would send a gift, and somehow out of the thousands of orphans, that Paxton would end up with our gift. And that the day Pax comes home to us, the toy would be with Pax. Maybe crazy. But it was another oportunity for God to show the world he is God.

So I bought a little duck last week. It has a small blanket attached to it. And if you look at the picture, it does resemble a duck head with a ghost body. But it says I love you and that moved my heart. And so on Friday, I told many of my friends this story and asked them to pray over the duck and that it would somehow find its way to Pax. And so they did. They embraced this crazy idea. In the middle of prayer, my friend Karl prayed something like this, "...And God, we just ask that this Duck Ghost, would somehow make its way to Pax, and that the day Pax comes home to us all, that Pax would be carrying Duck Ghost in hand..."

And so that is my prayer and it will continue to be until Pax comes home to us....the Prayer of Duck Ghost...

Paxton, Pizza, and Crocodiles...

I was eating dinner with a friend of mine last night...Homemade pizza...Pepperoni and mushroom. In the midst of our conversation, my friend began to share a vision that they had about us - the Millers. This person was reminded of the story of baby Moses, and how his mom had released Him to God by putting him in a small "basket" and sending him down the Nile river. And if you follow the story, he is "received" and adopted into a family.

Now wait...The Nile is infested with reptiles. Mainly the Nile crocodile. It can get up to 20 feet long and way up to 1,500 pounds!! In those days without the internet and our current knowledge, they must have been thinking dinasour? Wow! And this mom trusted God enought to release baby Moses into dangerous waters! With no certainty of the outcome, not knowing who or what may interfere, but trusting God was holding that little one in his hands until he found a safe home.

Paxton has been "released". There is a baby floting down the "Nile" with all sorts of obsticals trying to keep Pax from his family - the Millers. But we know and trust God is making a way for Paxton's arrival.

Update: we have applied for 7 grants. They total over $20,000 in appeals. Please pray for favor and approval. We still are at $15,000 in need. Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement.

Remembering God...

The other day I was reading in my devotional - "My Utmost For His Highest." I tend to write notes, comments, and prayers in the margins. Occasionally, I will write down the date as well. So I kind of have a brief history of seasons of my life and what may have been going on in my relationship with God.

The other day I stumbled upon a devotional with prayer notes from 2004. The 2 prayers were: (1) God please make a way for this baby to be released to our family (2) God please make a way financially to cover the costs of this adoption

Within 2 months, our son Tysen came from South Korea & officially became our son AND the entire adoption money had been provided! I began to thank God for his faithfulness as I reflected on it nearly 7 years later! Then I had the thought, the God of heaven is the "same yesterday, today, and forever...!" What he did for Tysen he will do for Pax! He doesn't change.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and financial support. Can't wait for the rest of Paxton's story to be written!

Your Getting a New Family...

"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all. In fact, it's unlike any other. It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart that can only be filled by a mother." And after today, I will never again hear that sad song coming from you. Your getting adopted, your getting a mother, and your getting a family too!..."

This is a page taking from a book called "Shaoey & Dot". It is a book about the journey of a baby in Asia who is waiting to be adopted by a family. Ty pulled it out this week and has been asking us to read it to him. He points @ the pictures of babies with "almond shaped eyes" and says "look at all the Korean babies!" And together, we think of Paxton and pray for Paxton and talk about Paxton.

That day is coming. The day when it will be said of Paxton - "..Your getting adopted, your getting a mother, and your getting a family too!..." Thank you again for all of you that continue to pray, give, believe, and fight for Paxton and the joy that we see ahead of us in uniting us as a family!

Batman, Spiderman, Superman and "Super Moms"

So Tysen starts school Monday, he has had a little anxiety about going to school all day & to be honest so have I. Since he is my only child, I almost don’t know what to do with myself when my little side kick is away. Tysen told me in a very sad voice “Mom, I’m kind of excited to go to school, but I’m gonna miss you.” It took everything in me to not let him see that I was choked up. I smiled & said well Ty how am I supposed do my super hero job during the day if you don’t go to school, with a little confusion he smiled, later that night he said “ mom I’m not sure that I want you to be fighting crime.” I said “oh, well, my super powers are to help sad & lonely people, what do you think about that” ? He responded “oh well that’s good mom, are you still going to fight crime”? My response “only if it gets in my way” 
I am so thankful for such a sweet little boy (most of the time ). He can be as naughty as all get out at times too. But none the less he’s mine & I love him bushels. Sometimes with adoption you look at your child and can’t even imagine the life they could have had & just praise God they are with you. Although I’m excited for Ty to go to school & to be working at ywam more and planning the outreach to London for the Olympics; I am not done being a mommy. I’m so ready for Pax to come. Please keep praying. We have been seeing some breakthrough. The thing that is hard for me & I daily have to give it to the Lord is that my little Pax is sitting in an orphanage and all’s I can do is pray... Please keep praying. We need still need 16 thousand dollars; we are just about half way... Please pray that we can raise $5,000 dollars in the next couple of weeks so we can move on to the next phase. Maybe even get a picture of Pax, and pray that as we apply for grants that the favor of God will be on us… thanks again friends!

4 dollars & a stamp...

We recently got home from a trip to Michigan where we visited some friends and family and spoke in 2 different churches about our adoption process. Upon our arrival back to Orlando, we checked in our mail box; there was a card from a woman in Las Vegas. She had been reading one of her friends blogs and it led her to our blog / website. She said she was compelled and moved by our story and our vision of raising $30,000 to adopt a baby. She said she sent us all the cash that was in her wallet. It was $4. Are you kidding me! Someone you hear about on the internet, and you send them all the money in your wallet. People don't do that in 2011. Sometimes a begger on the street can't get 20 cents for a cup of cold cheap coffee and this beautiful woman sent our family $4. I am humbled and brought to brokeness that someone would do this for me. Truely, this reflects the love and heart of God even greater that another sermon and lecture....and this is just one of many who have given. You all are amazing people! You have given amounts from 34 cents up to $2,500. And we are humbled and grateful. Please continue to pray and spread the word as our goal gets closer and closer.

what if...

I have hacked into my wife's account to blog today. I have a blog of my own, but people actually read hers...so here I am!

Facebook recently announced that there are approximately 750 million active users of facebook. 50% of those people log on daily. The average user has 130 friends....and all of us facebook users combined, apparently spend over 700 billion minutes a day on facebook....the point = there are A LOT of people on facebook!

As was stated last week, Rachel and I have laid our pride on the alter in order to adopt Paxton. I know we have thrown out statistics and giving options and appeals and needs on a somewhat weekly basis. Thank you to all who have given and prayed.

There is an old German saying that goes something to the effect of, "Everyone doing a little, makes the work easy." So here is a new concept in helping us continue to raise funds for our adoption:

If 1,000 - of the supposed 750 million users - posted the link to give to the adoption on their facebook page and just 22 of their friends donated $1 - our goal would be reached! Crazy concept I know. But what if it worked! Our current president raised millions of dollars by asking American families for $5 donations. This is just $1 - and this would change the history of a child forever!

Just share the link from mine or Rachel's facebook page and that will take your friends to our website where they can give! www.thepaxtonproject.com

Thanks again for listening to our hearts!!

money, money, money.....

I was recently at a YWAM meeting and the speaker made this comment - "to God, money is just paper passing through the hands of people." It seems a little more important to us, right?

June 6, 011 @ 11:19 am - I just received an email from our adoption agent again... Pax is waiting & it is breaking my heart along with frustration that there are so many kids waiting because of money. She says, as soon as paper work and money is in place, children are being placed into families! Our paper work is in place = we only need money.

This is sooo humbling for me & puts me in a very vulnerable place but I'm asking any way. Any pride I have is going out the window and I'm giving my all to the adoption [I'm sure there is some pride in there somewhere]. This morning I had the thought what if 22 people or 22 communities or 22 churches - committed to give or take offerings for or give a gift of $1,000 each. We would be able to get Paxton fast!! I have a place to live. I have plenty of love. I have food. I have a community that will love Paxton & teach her what life in Christ is. I have a husband & son who want a daughter & little sis more than anything. Most of all I have a mother’s heart - longing for this baby... All that I am lacking is money - sad right....

We are asking, calling, sending emails, Face booking our friends, families, churches, businesses, grant organizations, etc... If you know a church, a business, a small group...anyone....who would be interested please, please, please let me know ASAP! Or prayerfully consider sharing our story with them and grant them the privilege to give financially.

THANK YOU ALL as you have given & prayed & encouraged us - we don't take it for granted. I am gratefully to call you friends.

Urgency to Pray...

Today I write with an urgency to pray! As many of you know we have passed our deadline to get the money for our adoption more than once… God has been with us…. How in the world we have gotten this far is only by God’s grace. I guess God meant what he said in Bible - that he loves orphans & is very passionate about adoption..

I wrote our adoption agent earlier this week and told her that we have 8 thousand dollars towards this adoption. I asked, "is there anyway we we can keep going?" I received a email late last night & with my heart beating and dropping into my stomach I opened it. She said that all she can say is that we need the money & the TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!

We have done the paper work, our meeting with the bank on Monday so they can write us a "good standing letter." We will schedule our physicals on Tuesday that we need to get done. We have done our part. We have prayed, fasted, mailed letters, done fundraisers, etc. And yet, we will continue until the last second to do all we can to continue to make this happen.

It is scary. Yet there is peace in our home. This is what this family is designed to do. It is the word of the Lord to our family. I love the passage in scripture that says something to the effect of, "...when you have done all you know to do - stand..." This family will stand. We will not run. Sometimes pursuing the kingdom of God & opposing the kingdom of darkness involves prayer. And sometimes opposing the kingdom of darkness involves continuing to move forward in obedience to God. That is where the Miller family is at. Fear, doubt, worry, words of discouragement, etc. we stare all those things in the face and continue to move forward in Jesus name - in full obedience to "care for orphans..."

Friends. Please continue to pray and be the voice you have been. We still need $22,000 to complete our adoption. My agent said, "as soon as paper work goes through and families show they have the money, Korea is RELEASING children quickly!" Paxton is waiting!! Waiting for us!!

Thank you all for standing by us and loving us with all your hearts. Every word, email, text, Facebook note - gives life and hope to us!!

stay the course...

Have you ever embarked on something bigger than yourself and thought, “how in the world is this ever going to happen?” That the thought of it not happing is crushing? Well, I am in that place. You may be saying, “I thought deadline for Korea was over a month ago?” Well it was but for some reason things keeps happening to give us more time. Right now we have to have a back ground check from the state of Michigan & California which is giving us more time. This past month has been interesting. I have gone through so many emotions; from not being able to talk about this adoption and holding back from letting myself engage in it due to sadness & fear of disappointment. Concern that it just won't happen; and praying & going back to the Lord asking the question do you want us to change adoptions &countries? This was heart wrenching for me. But one thing is true: God is faithful & his timing is perfect. It helps that at this time I am seeing awesome provisions for the ministry we work for & a lot of my friends here at Youth With A Mission. This encourages me daily. There is provision out there. As Andy & I have taken this before the Lord we feel strongly we are not to switch adoption countries, but to keep moving forward and to keep walking in faith that the sea will part. As we refuse to give up - please refuse to give up with us. I know the day I hold Pax in my arms heaven will rejoice & the turmoil of waiting will be a distant memory. In my experience when you have to wait for something you don't take it for granted. Keep praying & trusting. If you know anyone who would be willing to help us get this baby please do not hesitate to give them our info or get them in contact with us. Thank you for coming on the journey with us; it’s a wild ride!!