the first picture...

For you non-Facebook users, here is the first picture of our son PAX that we received this week. He is 8 months old and is still in S. Korea. We are so excited to have his picture and anticipate him being united with us in 2012! Please continue to pray for his release to us as we submit more paperwork and documents to the Korean government.

Thanks for all your prayers this year!!

trust vs. unbelief...

It was a Friday morning prayer meeting @ ywam Orlando & I was more discouraged than I had ever been concerning adoption...
God was moving in the prayer meeting repentance had broken out & it was awesome!!! As people were repenting God was convicting my heart & dealing with unbelief. Unbelief that God would not come thru, as this prayer time went on God started to ask me what if you gave up? What if you never saw Paxtons face? What if Pax stayed in the orphanage & didn't get adopted what kind of life would Pax have? All because I was tired & it felt hard... My heart began to melt & I went up took the microphone & began to share my heart & declare that I will adopt as many kids as possible... There was such a break through in that moment... As I left the pray meeting ( literally 5 mins after i prayed )someone contacted me & said that they had been feeling that they were supposed to give us 15 thousand dollars, they said it's a gift you owe us nothing... I began to weep... To think that morning I was ready to give up.. What if I would have???? All that to say God is Awesome & keeps every tear; he hears every prayer & his timing is perfect ...

in the mean time...

we are currently waiting for a picture of our baby girl or boy to be. our agent is working diligently to get us these pictures asap!!

in the mean time, we are hosting an "adoption seminar" this weekend. there are about a half a dozen families waiting for their children to come from south korea. they have pictures and all live in the central florida area. saturday we are all getting together for a few hours to share our stories and ask questions. we are the ONLY ones with a child already (Tysen); so they will have many questions as well for us on how our journey with Ty has been....we can't wait! we are super excited.

we will have pictures Paxton up for all to see as soon as they arrive...

Get Your Own Free Hypster.com Playlist.

Jealousy, Target, & Asian baby stalking...

In September @ YWAM Orlando we had something awesome happen in our staff training ( God showed up )! Imagine that, a bunch of missionaries crying out to God & he shows up :) Crazy I know... There was weeping, repentance, healings - both emotional & physical & just a lot of pure awesomeness!! This is a new way of life for us & were not going back..

After this awesome week, as a staff we listened to a podcast called "The Unoffendable Heart..." It dealt a lot with jealousy and it rocked our base!! Sometimes we have no idea how much we can walk in jealousy until God shines his light on our heart & we see that "nasty green monster" for what it is :) Anyways, again there was much repentance the spirit of God was sooo strong to free us of jealousy. When we are jeolous we are walking in unbelief and we are withholding love, compliments & joy from others (nasty right ).

So today I was walking around Target ( didn't need anything, sometimes I go there to catch my breath). So of course I go & look at the baby clothes and I look over and see a couple with the sweetest little asaian girl, my heart jumped and sank all at the same time! This was the time to walk out in the opposite spirit of jeously, my first thought was, "why do they get there baby?". (I know terrible ) So what do I do? I follow them and watch! What do I see? 2 of the happiest parents ever. They adored that little girl, they had no idea there was a world around them they only knew they had a beautiful little baby that they adopted and she is theirs! Yes, in target I began to cry, not because I was jealous but because I had joy for them & for me! I walked over & said "she is soooo cute" they were kind of like "we know" :) I walked out of Target happy for them & looking forward to the day when someone adopting may stalk me in Target :) [I've been stalked many times with my little tysen]. :) The point is, I could have missed out on that beautiful experience because of jealousy :) Don't let jealousy steal your joy when others get what we our longing for!! Rejoice with them, jump up & down, spin around & get super excited...It feels sooo good!!!

The Prayer of "Duck Ghost..."

I got a pressing email last week that moved my heart to tears. It went something like this: "Dear Andy and Rachel, The Director of our adoption agency is making a visit to South Korea in a few weeks. If you have been refered a child, she can take gifts, etc to your child. If you have not, the orphanage is in need of toys and / or financial gifts to buy the children toys, etc. Please let me know if you want to do this."

My heart lept. I had a thought. An idea. What if I gave them a gift to take? Could Pax get it? Somehow. Someway. This was my prayer: that I would send a gift, and somehow out of the thousands of orphans, that Paxton would end up with our gift. And that the day Pax comes home to us, the toy would be with Pax. Maybe crazy. But it was another oportunity for God to show the world he is God.

So I bought a little duck last week. It has a small blanket attached to it. And if you look at the picture, it does resemble a duck head with a ghost body. But it says I love you and that moved my heart. And so on Friday, I told many of my friends this story and asked them to pray over the duck and that it would somehow find its way to Pax. And so they did. They embraced this crazy idea. In the middle of prayer, my friend Karl prayed something like this, "...And God, we just ask that this Duck Ghost, would somehow make its way to Pax, and that the day Pax comes home to us all, that Pax would be carrying Duck Ghost in hand..."

And so that is my prayer and it will continue to be until Pax comes home to us....the Prayer of Duck Ghost...

Paxton, Pizza, and Crocodiles...

I was eating dinner with a friend of mine last night...Homemade pizza...Pepperoni and mushroom. In the midst of our conversation, my friend began to share a vision that they had about us - the Millers. This person was reminded of the story of baby Moses, and how his mom had released Him to God by putting him in a small "basket" and sending him down the Nile river. And if you follow the story, he is "received" and adopted into a family.

Now wait...The Nile is infested with reptiles. Mainly the Nile crocodile. It can get up to 20 feet long and way up to 1,500 pounds!! In those days without the internet and our current knowledge, they must have been thinking dinasour? Wow! And this mom trusted God enought to release baby Moses into dangerous waters! With no certainty of the outcome, not knowing who or what may interfere, but trusting God was holding that little one in his hands until he found a safe home.

Paxton has been "released". There is a baby floting down the "Nile" with all sorts of obsticals trying to keep Pax from his family - the Millers. But we know and trust God is making a way for Paxton's arrival.

Update: we have applied for 7 grants. They total over $20,000 in appeals. Please pray for favor and approval. We still are at $15,000 in need. Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement.

Remembering God...

The other day I was reading in my devotional - "My Utmost For His Highest." I tend to write notes, comments, and prayers in the margins. Occasionally, I will write down the date as well. So I kind of have a brief history of seasons of my life and what may have been going on in my relationship with God.

The other day I stumbled upon a devotional with prayer notes from 2004. The 2 prayers were: (1) God please make a way for this baby to be released to our family (2) God please make a way financially to cover the costs of this adoption

Within 2 months, our son Tysen came from South Korea & officially became our son AND the entire adoption money had been provided! I began to thank God for his faithfulness as I reflected on it nearly 7 years later! Then I had the thought, the God of heaven is the "same yesterday, today, and forever...!" What he did for Tysen he will do for Pax! He doesn't change.

Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and financial support. Can't wait for the rest of Paxton's story to be written!

Your Getting a New Family...

"But, then, there's a cry that's the saddest of all. In fact, it's unlike any other. It comes from a deep, empty place in your heart that can only be filled by a mother." And after today, I will never again hear that sad song coming from you. Your getting adopted, your getting a mother, and your getting a family too!..."

This is a page taking from a book called "Shaoey & Dot". It is a book about the journey of a baby in Asia who is waiting to be adopted by a family. Ty pulled it out this week and has been asking us to read it to him. He points @ the pictures of babies with "almond shaped eyes" and says "look at all the Korean babies!" And together, we think of Paxton and pray for Paxton and talk about Paxton.

That day is coming. The day when it will be said of Paxton - "..Your getting adopted, your getting a mother, and your getting a family too!..." Thank you again for all of you that continue to pray, give, believe, and fight for Paxton and the joy that we see ahead of us in uniting us as a family!

Batman, Spiderman, Superman and "Super Moms"

So Tysen starts school Monday, he has had a little anxiety about going to school all day & to be honest so have I. Since he is my only child, I almost don’t know what to do with myself when my little side kick is away. Tysen told me in a very sad voice “Mom, I’m kind of excited to go to school, but I’m gonna miss you.” It took everything in me to not let him see that I was choked up. I smiled & said well Ty how am I supposed do my super hero job during the day if you don’t go to school, with a little confusion he smiled, later that night he said “ mom I’m not sure that I want you to be fighting crime.” I said “oh, well, my super powers are to help sad & lonely people, what do you think about that” ? He responded “oh well that’s good mom, are you still going to fight crime”? My response “only if it gets in my way” 
I am so thankful for such a sweet little boy (most of the time ). He can be as naughty as all get out at times too. But none the less he’s mine & I love him bushels. Sometimes with adoption you look at your child and can’t even imagine the life they could have had & just praise God they are with you. Although I’m excited for Ty to go to school & to be working at ywam more and planning the outreach to London for the Olympics; I am not done being a mommy. I’m so ready for Pax to come. Please keep praying. We have been seeing some breakthrough. The thing that is hard for me & I daily have to give it to the Lord is that my little Pax is sitting in an orphanage and all’s I can do is pray... Please keep praying. We need still need 16 thousand dollars; we are just about half way... Please pray that we can raise $5,000 dollars in the next couple of weeks so we can move on to the next phase. Maybe even get a picture of Pax, and pray that as we apply for grants that the favor of God will be on us… thanks again friends!

4 dollars & a stamp...

We recently got home from a trip to Michigan where we visited some friends and family and spoke in 2 different churches about our adoption process. Upon our arrival back to Orlando, we checked in our mail box; there was a card from a woman in Las Vegas. She had been reading one of her friends blogs and it led her to our blog / website. She said she was compelled and moved by our story and our vision of raising $30,000 to adopt a baby. She said she sent us all the cash that was in her wallet. It was $4. Are you kidding me! Someone you hear about on the internet, and you send them all the money in your wallet. People don't do that in 2011. Sometimes a begger on the street can't get 20 cents for a cup of cold cheap coffee and this beautiful woman sent our family $4. I am humbled and brought to brokeness that someone would do this for me. Truely, this reflects the love and heart of God even greater that another sermon and lecture....and this is just one of many who have given. You all are amazing people! You have given amounts from 34 cents up to $2,500. And we are humbled and grateful. Please continue to pray and spread the word as our goal gets closer and closer.

what if...

I have hacked into my wife's account to blog today. I have a blog of my own, but people actually read hers...so here I am!

Facebook recently announced that there are approximately 750 million active users of facebook. 50% of those people log on daily. The average user has 130 friends....and all of us facebook users combined, apparently spend over 700 billion minutes a day on facebook....the point = there are A LOT of people on facebook!

As was stated last week, Rachel and I have laid our pride on the alter in order to adopt Paxton. I know we have thrown out statistics and giving options and appeals and needs on a somewhat weekly basis. Thank you to all who have given and prayed.

There is an old German saying that goes something to the effect of, "Everyone doing a little, makes the work easy." So here is a new concept in helping us continue to raise funds for our adoption:

If 1,000 - of the supposed 750 million users - posted the link to give to the adoption on their facebook page and just 22 of their friends donated $1 - our goal would be reached! Crazy concept I know. But what if it worked! Our current president raised millions of dollars by asking American families for $5 donations. This is just $1 - and this would change the history of a child forever!

Just share the link from mine or Rachel's facebook page and that will take your friends to our website where they can give! www.thepaxtonproject.com

Thanks again for listening to our hearts!!

money, money, money.....

I was recently at a YWAM meeting and the speaker made this comment - "to God, money is just paper passing through the hands of people." It seems a little more important to us, right?

June 6, 011 @ 11:19 am - I just received an email from our adoption agent again... Pax is waiting & it is breaking my heart along with frustration that there are so many kids waiting because of money. She says, as soon as paper work and money is in place, children are being placed into families! Our paper work is in place = we only need money.

This is sooo humbling for me & puts me in a very vulnerable place but I'm asking any way. Any pride I have is going out the window and I'm giving my all to the adoption [I'm sure there is some pride in there somewhere]. This morning I had the thought what if 22 people or 22 communities or 22 churches - committed to give or take offerings for or give a gift of $1,000 each. We would be able to get Paxton fast!! I have a place to live. I have plenty of love. I have food. I have a community that will love Paxton & teach her what life in Christ is. I have a husband & son who want a daughter & little sis more than anything. Most of all I have a mother’s heart - longing for this baby... All that I am lacking is money - sad right....

We are asking, calling, sending emails, Face booking our friends, families, churches, businesses, grant organizations, etc... If you know a church, a business, a small group...anyone....who would be interested please, please, please let me know ASAP! Or prayerfully consider sharing our story with them and grant them the privilege to give financially.

THANK YOU ALL as you have given & prayed & encouraged us - we don't take it for granted. I am gratefully to call you friends.

Urgency to Pray...

Today I write with an urgency to pray! As many of you know we have passed our deadline to get the money for our adoption more than once… God has been with us…. How in the world we have gotten this far is only by God’s grace. I guess God meant what he said in Bible - that he loves orphans & is very passionate about adoption..

I wrote our adoption agent earlier this week and told her that we have 8 thousand dollars towards this adoption. I asked, "is there anyway we we can keep going?" I received a email late last night & with my heart beating and dropping into my stomach I opened it. She said that all she can say is that we need the money & the TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!

We have done the paper work, our meeting with the bank on Monday so they can write us a "good standing letter." We will schedule our physicals on Tuesday that we need to get done. We have done our part. We have prayed, fasted, mailed letters, done fundraisers, etc. And yet, we will continue until the last second to do all we can to continue to make this happen.

It is scary. Yet there is peace in our home. This is what this family is designed to do. It is the word of the Lord to our family. I love the passage in scripture that says something to the effect of, "...when you have done all you know to do - stand..." This family will stand. We will not run. Sometimes pursuing the kingdom of God & opposing the kingdom of darkness involves prayer. And sometimes opposing the kingdom of darkness involves continuing to move forward in obedience to God. That is where the Miller family is at. Fear, doubt, worry, words of discouragement, etc. we stare all those things in the face and continue to move forward in Jesus name - in full obedience to "care for orphans..."

Friends. Please continue to pray and be the voice you have been. We still need $22,000 to complete our adoption. My agent said, "as soon as paper work goes through and families show they have the money, Korea is RELEASING children quickly!" Paxton is waiting!! Waiting for us!!

Thank you all for standing by us and loving us with all your hearts. Every word, email, text, Facebook note - gives life and hope to us!!

stay the course...

Have you ever embarked on something bigger than yourself and thought, “how in the world is this ever going to happen?” That the thought of it not happing is crushing? Well, I am in that place. You may be saying, “I thought deadline for Korea was over a month ago?” Well it was but for some reason things keeps happening to give us more time. Right now we have to have a back ground check from the state of Michigan & California which is giving us more time. This past month has been interesting. I have gone through so many emotions; from not being able to talk about this adoption and holding back from letting myself engage in it due to sadness & fear of disappointment. Concern that it just won't happen; and praying & going back to the Lord asking the question do you want us to change adoptions &countries? This was heart wrenching for me. But one thing is true: God is faithful & his timing is perfect. It helps that at this time I am seeing awesome provisions for the ministry we work for & a lot of my friends here at Youth With A Mission. This encourages me daily. There is provision out there. As Andy & I have taken this before the Lord we feel strongly we are not to switch adoption countries, but to keep moving forward and to keep walking in faith that the sea will part. As we refuse to give up - please refuse to give up with us. I know the day I hold Pax in my arms heaven will rejoice & the turmoil of waiting will be a distant memory. In my experience when you have to wait for something you don't take it for granted. Keep praying & trusting. If you know anyone who would be willing to help us get this baby please do not hesitate to give them our info or get them in contact with us. Thank you for coming on the journey with us; it’s a wild ride!!

friend for life...

When I was 16 years old, one of my first dates with Andy was to pick up his best friend Ezra at the airport. I knew Ezra but this time he was bringing a girlfriend with him & all's I knew was that she had red hair. Little did I know it was one of most life changing nights of my life. You see I wasn't so sure about this red head, but the minute she got in the car we started to laugh. Of course Ezra ( her husband now ) wanted to stop at taco bell, Rhonda & I laughed the whole way home talking about disgusting taco bell experiences...I told her that night I am going to marry Andy Miller and sure enough we both married this pair of best friends.

Since then Rhonda & I have walked thru so many things together. One time we were in India ( ok if you have a week stomach stop reading now) I was very sick in a really gross Indian hospital and they needed a feces sample. I was so sick I could not get it in the cup so Rhonda just picked it up with her bare hands and put it in the cup for me, talk about a true friend...

I have been there through her pregnancies she has been their through my adoption. When we did not live near each other and I was walking through some dark times, Rhonda would call me sometimes 3 times a day to make sure I was ok :) I could tell story after story of the love this girl gives. There are very few friendships in this world that are true but this friendship is one of the greatest gifts God has given me..

Today Rhonda is in the hospital with her precious 2 year Amiah who goes through more in one day than many of us in a lifetime. Rhonda found out today that Amiah after having a kidney removed has stage 3 cancer. Any parent would say that those are heart wrenching words to hear. I can honestly say that Rhonda is my hero, she walks in the love & joy of Jesus. She pastors everyone she meets; the hospitality and love you feel in her home is unmistakable. She draws you in and radiates Jesus to all she comes in contact with. Really and many would agree there is no one like her. Please pray with for Rhonda & Ezra, Amiah ( kadesh & zuzu ) this family makes the darkness tremble and they love the Lord & defend the weak, now they need some defending. So please go to the throne with me and cry out for the Griffiths Family...

the i-600....

...so we had an exciting moment this week...well, exciting if you take the time to really process and think about it. we were given our 1-600 documents this week. what is that? well, I will tell you....it is basically an "Orphan Petition." for adults, when they want to come into the United States, an adult foreigner can file a document saying "can I come into your country and live there?"

Now Paxton is not old enough to make an appeal. So we are making the appeal for Paxton. We are saying, "I petition to the US Government to allow this little orphan come into the United States of America. This orphan is fully welcomed into our family and we will: provide for, care for, love on, defend, fight for, and meet every need that this little one has. We committ to 100% resonsability of this child..."

That so excites us! It makes me think about God who says "He is a defender of the weak..." This little one has been abandoned to some degree, and we get the honor of stepping in and saying, "No one wants Pax? We want Pax! We will be the defender of Pax!...

Please continue to pray with us as we petition for this little one and continue to "raise" the finances neeeded to cover all avenues of our adoption!

Our Little Miracle...

Well here I go… I have not written on here in a while. It is not that I have been discouraged it is just the simple fact that I really haven't known what to say….
I believe with all my heart we are going to get Pax; NO matter what we are adopting a baby and we will name that baby Paxton [so all of you that like to gank my names go ahead I'm still naming my baby Pax] :) [no bitterness I mean I do pick amazing names] :) I may be nuts but we are “YWAMers” & we see miracles every day. Young people who long to share Jesus with the world but cannot afford a plane ticket; then the money shows up and a nation is changed…

My friend who has a child with tumors all over their body one day and then the next day they go to the doctor & the tumors are gone! a 198 acre property being provided so that hundreds of thousands of missionaries can be trained & sent to the mission field! Story after story in our mission of the faithfulness of God! My heart aches thinking that this baby may not be from Korea. We have prayed & felt like our baby is supposed to be from Korea but we need a miracle. Please pray with us. A lot of you have given and we are beyond grateful - but I am asking for prayer; prayer will turn this around & bring a miracle. Pray - and I believe God will speak! He may even speak names of people you could tell about Pax.... When we adopted Ty we were not in alone. There were hundreds of people who prayed and gave - the same goes with Pax. We cannot do this alone; we are dealing with a government not our own; we are dealing with an orphanage on the other side of an ocean…

If you read this - please pray that our miracle will get a chance at life!

bagels & coffee...

a while back, our family of 3 went through a difficult season of life. we had about a 6 month stint where we would travel about 1 1/2 hours (1 way) on Sunday morning to go to church. that is a long drive with a 5 year old. but it made the decision easier when Ty would say on Saturday night, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "let's go to _______ church." so we would make the journey. all 3 of us excited to hear from God.

i will be honest, in the many years of going to church, I sometimes don't want to go and sometimes I don't "feel" God - which is fine. but in this particular season I speak of, during those 6 months, God would always meet all 3 of us. whether it was worship, or the message, or during a time of meditation and reflection and communion, the tangible presence of God would meet us and strenghten our hearts during that season. God would even show up the minute we walked in the door as we consumed the free bagels and coffee....somehow, God was in every bite and every drink. my husband Andy would find himself in the midst of a difficult week saying, "if I can just get to the bagels & coffee....i can connect with God..."

sometimes God is in bagels & coffee, the drive to work, a walk, a nap, a friend, a song, a movie, etc. sometimes we have challenging seasons, where we have prayed until we have no more words and cried until we have no more tears and we just have to say, "God, meet me in this coffee..." and he does. I don't know how, but he does.

if you find yourself in a tough season - and you are out of prayers and tears and are not sure what else to do....make a cup of coffee and prepare to meet with God....

waves on our toes...

the ball continues to move forward for the adoption. as i spoke with my adoption agent this week, here is her current update:

we can pay the next invoice of $1,300 (which we have). at that time she will give us documents to begin filling out our dossier (short for filling out tons of paper work for the US government & Korean government). within these documents we HAVE to show roughly $27,000 in our bank to prove we have the funding for this adoption (after paying the dossier, we will have $600 still in the bank).

so God is good. the ball continues to roll forward. it is not as fast as we may want, but none the less it is still moving. God is providing as we need it. we have the funds for the next step. we continue to do all we can with the possible and are trusting God with the impossible.

i was thinking about Moses and the Red Sea. Moses led the people to the edge of the Red Sea. I am sure the waves were rolling up onto the shore and splashing on Moses toes. at that moment he had done ALL he could do. the edge of the water, that was his possible; and now he looked to God to part the sea. so Andy, Tysen and I continue to move forward to the "Red Sea." we will pay the next invoice and begin the dossier and trust God that in that moment when we feel the waves are beginning to hit our toes, that God will provide and part our Red Sea...

bringing heaven to earth...

Tysen I have a surprise for you tomorrow! "I know what it is mom, you're gonna get little sister tonight and lay her next to me while I am sleeping." ( I must admit this made me cry a little). I wish honey, but not yet; how about Disney world? I just smiled...

About 3 weeks ago we were having dinner with some friends of our's and they had invited over another couple whom we had never met. We had an awesome time. When the evening was concluding the husband of the couple we had never met said, ya know, if guys guys would like to take Ty to Disney world I can get you in for FREE! My heart jumped with excitement. Ty has been asking to go for months but, in the middle of adopting a baby and going over sea's this summer there is no spare change...

So this past Friday, we had the day off. We packed our backpack full of snacks and we were off to the Magic Kingdom. It was seriously one of the most fun days of our life. Some of the comments made throughout the day by Ty were: "this is the best day of my life" & "splash mountain rules" & "can we come back to tomorrow?" There was a ton of dancing going on too (by Tysen). It gets better; about mid afternoon, the couple that had us over to dinner told told us they would be at Magic Kingdom with there grand kids and wanted to meet us at the castle to give Ty a gift. When got there my friend hands over an envelope with Ty's name on it with 50 Disney dollars; to buy ice cream, souvenirs or anything else his little heart would desire! I know - amazing!

God is good. In the midst of all the turmoil and suffering in the world; in the midst of the stress of how are we going to pay for this adoption; and the list goes on and on. In the midst of all this some sweet people who love God chose to give us an amazing day where all the stress seemed a billion miles away (probably because we were at the happiest place on earth). I want to be that kind of person. To spread the good news of Jesus and to see people in stressful situations and to help relieve the stress. To do what I can to bring a smile to peoples faces... There is so much saddness right now, and I am not sure the world is going to get better, but we need to do what we can do, to bring heaven to earth in someone's life!

broken, scared, & afraid....

it's going to happen...

So this is Andy writing today. I am Rachel's husband. Paxton's dad to be. I believe Rachel shared with you in the past about an email from our adoption agency sharing how Korea is now wanting the money to be shown up from for our adoption. That in our son Tysen's adoption, we could pay each amount financially as we needed it (example: $300 then $2,500 then $7,000 etc). But with Paxton, after this current stage, we need to have the balance of $27,000 in our bank or we are "done." Stop. Can't move forward.

So last night @ about 10 pm we got a 2nd email from her. She confirmed we were up to date on all our paper work and that it had been submitted to the main branch in New York. And then, again, the email concluded with, "and they did of course ask me how you propose to pay for the adoption and if you have ALL the money." I thought it was going to be about June before we came around to this again. But here we are in March. At a road block and I need to answer. Obviously, for me, my answer is "God is going to provide." However, that probably would not be all too comforting for my adoption agent.

This past month (as you are probably aware), a friend of ours put together a raffle to help us raise money for the adoption. The raffle raised $2,500; which helped us pay for the home study which is Stage 2? However, stage 3 is now going to be $27,000. Everything. Not broken down as they have done for years, but ALL of the finances = now.

So last night, as I went to bed after this email & I was a broken person; humbled, scared, excited, and yet confident all mixed into one ball. Not confident in me, but confident in God, that as I and my family obey him – he is going to be faithful. Not exactly knowing how this adoption was going to happen, but knowing that it is going to happen! Now, that is scary, because I am kind of throwing myself & my God out in front of a bus – but is that not what faith in God is. Trusting Him to do what He says when we live in obedience, even when it looks like humanly speaking the situation is hopeless?

So the new proposed deadline is the end of March 2011. Yes, 15 days away. Approximately 2 weeks away! March 31, 2011.

I don’t know how this adoption is going to happen, but it is going to happen….

God is watching..........

So today I was at a park with that had a fountain kids could play in... Ty was playing was little girl his age and a little boy a little older than him. All of a sudden a fancy lady walks over to me and says, "is that your little girl ( pointing at Ty )?" She ovipusly did not really look at him, he looks nothing like a girl! Anyway, she goes on to ask me, "could you watch my kids; I have to go get something?" At first I just stared at her thinking, are you nuts? You do not know me? Do you watch the nightly news? What is wrong with you? But what came out of my mouth was "sure!" After awhile she came back ( I must admit the thought entered my mind is she going to come back? ) As she walked by in her bikini top she waved and said thanks then proceeded to tell her children she would be @ the pool which was a ways away from the fountain. I am not going to judge her. Maybe she was desperate for a moment; I'm not gonna try to wrap my mind around it... After that situation I have been thinking about protecting our kids, some would say that I am a little over prtective. When Ty was 2 and we were living in long beach Cali, we were part of a church plant. Sometimes our meetings were held in the pastors apartment on the 18th floor which had open windows and no screens. So before we would enter I would look around to make sure the windows were shut. If they were not I had a harness I would put on Ty, so he could play but if he got near the window I could pull him back...hahaha My friend Craig used to tease that my kids would have to put helmets on my kids before I would let them leave the house, :) yes I am protective, can I protect him all the time no, is he going to get hurt? Yes! We have to give our kids to God daily but it is an attribute of God in us to want to protect our kids. our friends kids, and kids we don't know. I think this is hard when walking through adoption. Pax is out there, but I can not see her. I can not wipe her tears. I can not keep things that could harm her away; but praise God he can. God cares for everyone from the child who is hurt in Japan....to the lonely baby in a crib in China...to the little child who has fallen off their bike in Hunington Beach....and the kindergartner being bullied in New York. God cares and is watching over our children even when we can't!

returning to me...

As most of you know Andy & I work with Youth With A Mission in Orlando, FL.
Today I just woke up feeling so blessed to be a part of this mission. I wake up with this feeling a lot. :) You see, we do not really have much stuff, and sometimes I look around and think wow I should have way more stuff by now! But when I really think about it, there is nothing I want... The things we give up to be in missions are no camparesent to me, it is not for everyone but we are blessed. We are here and we are grateful.
Almost 2 years ago I went thru a season where I felt like I had no clue who I was anymore. My goofy bubbley personality was becoming sad & isolated. It was a really sad lonely place for me because I stepped out of the things that fulfill me most. Those 2 things are being in full time missions and adopting children. Coming back to YWAM was the first step for us to get back on track. And now, adopting baby Paxton. I never want to take for granted the calling God has placed on my life. I will go where God calls me and adopt as many kids as I possibly can - because that is who I am :)

thanks in the closing hours...

Thank you...and its NOT over yet!

Happy Sunday everyone! Just wanted to thank you all so much for getting involved in this raffle & helping us get a few steps closer to getting PAXTON. And a SPECIAL thank you to Alissa Circle for her coordination and sacrifice to make this happen!

We know that it was a strech for alot of you to give and we do not take take that lightly at all. We still have a ways to go to reach our goal by May 2011, but we are encouraged. As was once said, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" - and we feel that this raffle got us off to a running star!

PS - you can still get yourself & others in on the raffle! And remember, when the raffle ends, the paxton project continues (should it need to)!

Priceless...

We have all seen the commercials 5 dollars for sunscreen, 20 dollars for ponchos, 50 dollars for souvenirs, a day at Disney with the fam priceless!
There is a price tag for everything...
Our adoption for our little Paxton has a cost 30 thousand dollars, can you put a price tag on a child of course not.. Not in my book... One day I was walking thru the mall @ millinia here in Orlando as I walked by Tiffany's I thought to my self there are people spending more than 30 thousand on rings and ear rings and necklaces, across the street from the mall there is a BMW dealer, I thought 30 thousand would not even touch a new BMW. Is it bad to buy these things? No. That is not what I am saying. I guess my thought 30 thousand for a little helpless human that is priceless... I am so encouraged about the money that has come in so far through this raffle.  People ask me what if you do not get enough what will you do?  Not worried. Giving up is not an option for the Miller's.  We are in this for the long haul...
Last night some friends of ours were over and we were praying asking God about thepaxtonproject, my friend Joel got the passage psalms 24 the first verse just hit me, "the earth is the Lords and everything in it." How awesome Paxton is on this earth and she is God's & he wants me to have her even more than I want her ( hard to imagine but true ) that my friends is where my peace and excitement come from today...

God knows Paxton...

"...Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." - Jeremiah 1:5

God knows Paxton. I know this is hard for us to wrap our minds around, but I believe the Bible; and in the Bible God says he knows us even before we are being shaped and designed by the hand of God in the womb. It causes me to wonder: the face, the eyes, the character, the personality, the laugh, the dreams....everything than God pours into us to make us who we are...it makes me wonder about my baby Paxton. Who will Paxton be? Who's life will be touched by Pax? Who will be loved by Pax? Who will laugh and be given life because of Pax?

God knows Paxton, and I can't wait to know Paxton too.

10:37 EST - fundairser update

Day 2 of the Paxton Project fundraiser is almost @ its conclusion here on the east coast. Check out our current total raised so far to the right of the page and continue to spread the word!

Fundraiser Tracker....

As you well know, The Paxton Project is currently in the midst of a raffle raising funds for our current adoption. To stay in touch with how things are going in this process and how much still needs to be raise, please follow the "donation tracker" thermometer to the right of the page.

"Rags to Stitches " - raffle Kick Off

About a month ago, I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed about our adoption, like it was to big for me and that it was to much. At the same time in California, on the other side of the country, God was speaking to my friend Alissa about how she could help us with our adoption.

Today is the start of a raffle to help fund our adoption of Paxton. Alissa has put a lot of time and effort into this out of response to God speaking to her heart. Please click on the link "Rags to Stitches" @ the right of this page to see how you can help. And don't be afraid to pass on the word!

family & friends = "Gotcha Day Celebration"

the day that changed history...

Who was Han Shim? Han Shim was a little orphan boy who was born may 25th 2005. He was abandoned by his birth parents, his destiny was uncertain. Would he live in an ophanage; would he get put into foster care; or ???? well we do not need to worry about that; because 5 years ago TODAY, February 24th, 2006 - Han Shim was adopted brought into our family given a new name, a hope, a new life and a new destiny! Praise God. It sounds a lot like the God we serve...He adopted us and gave us a new life and a new destiny..Happy "Gotcha Day" Ty - so glad we "Gotcha"

Chick-fil-A , Jackie Chan, and ninjas....

With all the talk of a little sister coming from Korea, it has raised all kinds of questions for the little set of ears in our house. Ty has always known he is adopted; he tells people he is from Korea and his little mind (probably from all the prayer he has had) seems to understand it. About a year ago we were at a Chick-fil-A; Ty was playing with some kids in the play area when he came out sobbing. I asked what had happend, and with huge alligator tears he replied, "those boys are telling me I am from Chineese!" My first response was, "well that just shows how much they know because you are from Korea remember? And you are mine and I am never going leave you." With a smile and a chuckle he ran back into play.

In moments like that I pray that God will give me wisdom to bring the anwers that bring love & healing not harm. Since then Ty has been asked by kids if he was Jackie Chan; if he is a ninja and other silly things. Ty just smiles. The other day Ty asked me if he was in my belly, my heart sunk as I prayed "God help." God gave me the perfect thing to say, to be truthful yet bring peace and comfort to his little heart.
Ty has been listening to some Korean teenagers sing children songs. He said to me, "mom, it seems like a mommy and daddy would have found them by now. Can we get them?" I pray that the understanding he has will continue and grow throughout the process of getting Paxton, that he will see the love we have for him is so strong that race, culture, nothing could keep us apart

jesus and santa clause...

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children."
I love the idea that Jesus is all about children. The disciples were busy. They were doing ministry. They were telling people about the ways of Jesus. They were working hard and they didn’t have time for the kids. The Bible says that the disciples scolded and rebuked the parents for trying to have their children sit on the lap of Jesus. The parents knew to bring their children to the lap of Jesus.
I have been to the mall. Sometimes Santa Clause is at the mall. Children sit on Santa’s lap. I have never seen an elf turn a child away from Santa’s lap. But the disciples turned the children away. But Jesus said, “no, let the little ones come unto me.” Sad, the disciples didn’t have time to love the children. But Jesus had time. Santa Clause has time. Do I have time?
Don’t get busy. Don’t get prideful. Don’t be so about your life that there is no time for the children; your children; the child at church with no family; your grandchildren; the orphans of the world. Find a child and be like Jesus – allow them to come. Don’t send them away because of your schedule.

heavy heart...

Well, I have not written on here in a couple of days. I must admit I haven’t felt like doing anything. Have you ever had a heavy heart? Worries over take you and you just feel like laying down in your sadness… Well that was me this weekend. Sometimes when you step out in faith to do something big, that is when you better be ready to fight because it feels like all hell will breaking loose. Tonight I went to Status, our church here in Orlando (see video clip). I walked in with a heavy heart not feeling like worshiping, not feeling like lifting my hands, not feeling like handing my worry over to God. Isaiah 61:3 says, [He gives us] “a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” - it is so true. As I lifted my hands and worshiped my creator, I felt the heaviness lift (Thank you God)! We are adopting a baby. I have no clue how I am going to get $30,000 by May 1st, but I know I am not going to give in to a spirit of heaviness. I will lift my hands to God and praise him! I want to encourage you: what sadness are you in right now? God wants to lift it off of you…. Don’t lay in it like I did, praise him and get it off!

Status - 2.13.11

Get Your Own Free Hypster.com Playlist.

the heartbeat of God...

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

mr. miller...

There are a lot of great men in the world, who have accomplished many things. Men who have created inventions to make our life easier; good looking actors that may be pleasing to the eye; politicians (well that is all I will say about that); men who can fix and build things; men who have changed history.
I just have to say that out of all the men in the world God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought Andy Miller into my life. When I was 18 I told my husband to be, “I really want to adopt kids.” As a fellow missionary, he was not opposed to the idea but he told me o.k. - because he thought I was a hottie. Through the years, he has been the one who has pulled me through the times when I feel like it is to hard or it cost too much money or doubt fills my mind. He is constantly reminding me what the word of the Lord is to us and pushing us forward in our dreams. Ladies and Gentleman I would shout it from the roof tops that I love my husband! Although we are so far from perfect, he has proven to me over and over his unconditional love for me. Even in the hard times when he could have chose position in ministry, or other opportunities that would not give me and Tysen an outlet to be who we are, he has turned them down until things have come along that we can work together in. Today we work together @ Youth With A Mission and let me tell you it, was worth the wait.
So Mr. Miller, as we move forward in ministry, adopting children and going to the utter most parts of the world - I look forward to doing it hand in hand with you.

if we care for orphans, God will show up...

Christian Alliance for Orphans from New Vision Productions on Vimeo.

nightly prayers with Tysen...

tysen's first game of the second season... (Saturday)

the voice of screaming children...

 About 7 years ago I was at a church (of all places).  We were about half way through our adoption process with Tysen.  The service had ended and I was walking in the foyer when a lady said to me, “Why don’t you have your own, it is cheaper?”  At first I just felt shocked and offended.  I believe that I just smiled and walked away.   Since that day I have thought of all kinds of come backs:   Have you read the bible?  Why are you so mean?  That is the dumbest thing anyone has ever said to me!   I know that was childish of me.  We all say or think things that we are not proud of when we are hurt.  But after many years of thinking about it and everything our family has walked through, if I encountered that behavior today, I boldly would say, “because God told me too and it the deepest desire of my heart.”

When I was 18 I had the privilege of going on a 2 month outreach to India with Youth With A Mission.  I had no idea the impact it would have on my life.  The thing I remembered most was a 30 hour train ride. This was not Amtrak.  It was hot.  It smelled bad.  And there were eunuchs sitting across from me the whole trip.  It was a little exciting and scary all at the same time. At one of the stops a little boy came crawling thru the train begging for money, he was missing limbs off of his body.  It was terrible and the first time I had ever seen anything like this.  I tried to give the little boy some food but he resisted.  Later our host told us that there are people, sort of like pimps, who take in orphaned children and cut off the limbs so that when they send them out to be people will feel sorry for them and give money in which they have to give back to the pimp.   I had never heard anything so sick.  I knew that I wanted to adopt kids.   I cannot stand the fact of children growing up on the streets being sold into the sex trafficing industry; among many other horrific things. 

Our heart for adoption is huge. I have been asked many times, "can you not have children?"  My answer is, “I don’t know.”  I went thru a miscarriage in August.  It was so sad and my heart aches when I think about it.  If I were to get pregnant, of course I would be thrilled, but none the less it would not stop me from adopting.   There is something inside of me that knows this is bigger than me, but I know God is with me and that he will provide.  I hope someday, to help others adopt; to give; to be the voice on behalf of kids who are screaming, but are not being heard.  This my friends, excites me.   So I thank all of you who are going on this journey with us.  I am sure I will have my days where I am not excited at all, but that is what blogging is all about right; good days and not so good days. 

freaking out...

Freaking out

Adoption is beautiful.  The day Tysen came to us was by far the best day of our lives. He came off of the airplane @ 9 months old, I could see him coming because there was a little Korean lady who worked for the adoption agency holding him.  His hair was sticking straight up in the air, I knew he had some personality (who wouldn't with that crazy hair).  As the lady was walking towards me I could not contain my excitement, but also the inside I was full what ifs. What if he is scared of me, what if he doesn't like me, what If he screams when he comes in my arms, I even threw up later from all the nerves.  Well the moment the little lady handed me Ty, all my fears subsided.  Ty begin to hug me & hold me & smile like I was his new best friend :)  Little did he know I was.  It was amazing, we bonded instantly;  like we always have known each other :) I am believing and trusting God for the same experience with little Paxton. Thank you all for standing with us as we wait :)

the perfectionist...

There are so many things I love about my life.  My husband, working @ YWAM Orlando, my friends, traveling and my mom.  But one of the things I love most in life is spending quality time with Tysen.  The question is: if I love it so much, why do so many things tend to come first?  Cleaning (the perfectionist takes control of me in this area at times), phone calls, watching "The Ellen Show" :)-  the list goes on & on.

But I am constantly reminded of a poem my mom used to say to me:  "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow; but babies grow up, we learn to our sorrow.  So quiet down cob webs and dust go to sleep.  I am rocking my baby for babies don't keep."

5 years down the road our kids will not remember whether or not we had some dust or cob webs or streaks on the windows.  But they will remember the park, walks, stories, adventures, and kisses. 

"it takes a village..."

Today I have been thinking a lot about 2 very close friends of mine; both of whom have been walking thru very hard situations with their children. One of them was told that her 2 year old was going to have to undergo surgery as the doctors had found a very large tumor inside of one her kidneys.  They were going to go in and cut out some of the tumor to see if it was cancer. From the time my friend received the news she was trusting God, but she needed friends and other moms who could understand the heartache of what she was going thru and to lift up her arms in her hour of need.  And praise God, they have cancelled the surgery for now and are trying some other options.

Another dear friend of mine is sitting in the hospital right now waiting as her 4 year old is getting a full body MRI…

The thing that God has been putting on my heart today, is that sometimes as moms we get caught up in competition; whether it is who has the best snacks for their child’s events, who is the most put together, who has the smartest kids, and on and on it goes.  But really we just need each other to laugh with, cry with, and love each other in good times and not so good times… One of my dear friends Craig Branch once said, via Hillary Clinton, “…it takes a village [to raise a child]…”  I agree.  We need each other more than we know.  So moms, let's be ones who do not give into childish competition and let’s love each other. If you are going through something, chances are so is the mom next to you!

no greater love...

about 3 weeks ago (or so) I remember, it was lunch time and we had just found out about the new rule of having to have the whole $30,000 for the adoption "up front", instead of being able to pay as we went along.  we were so discouraged.  it caught us off guard.  it was like a black cloud came in and sat over our family.  we did the only thing we knew to do at that moment.  we both sat on the floor and prayed the best we could with faith as small as a mustard seed. 

later that afternoon, our friend Alissa from California contacted me.  we met her and her husband while church planing a few years ago.  they are awesome individuals and were a huge blessing to our church community and our friendship was birthed during that time.  she said she had read my blog and that God had been speaking to her about how she could help.  so to make a long story short, starting February 28th, she is doing an online raffle to help us raise money for Paxton.  To read more and see how YOU can be involved, click on the "Rags to Stitches" link on the right!

"No greater love has a man than this, than to lay down his life for a friend..."

2.2 seconds...

Somewhere in the world a child loses a parent every 2.2 Seconds. There are over 143 million orphaned children living in the world today and as many as 100 million more children abandoned on the streets world wide... 

Tysen whom is already in our home, is many times almost brought to tears when he sees children his own age and younger in magazines, commercials, photos, etc; that are hungry or homeless or without a family to call their own.  It is in moments like these that though the road ahead to Paxton may seem long, I press on.

 "Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their distress." 

don't cry over spilled water...

It is Sunday morning.  Our friend Ezra just left to go be with his wife who is already at the hospital admitting their little girl Amiah.  He dropped off Zu Zu again.  We love Zu Zu. 

I am in my room, working on some things and I hear an "appeal" that their is spilled water.  I went out to the kitchen to see that our water pitcher had been dumped out all over the floor and the rug.  So I cleaned it up.  It is in those moments you can cry or get excited about the fact that in the future, I will have 2 children to clean up after instead of one.  That makes me so happy!

I think as a parent if I am not careful, I can spend my child's entire life trying to worry about and shape what they will become in the future (a doctor, lawyer, teacher, athlete, etc); and we can completely miss out on who they are now!

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today."  ~Stacia Tauscher

brother or superhero...

Our closest friends are going through a very difficult time right now.  Last night their middle aged daughter Zu Zu, stayed the night at our house.  She and Tysen crashed by 7:58 pm...but @ 6:30 this morning I heard Zu Zu say, "Ask your mommy if we can watch a movie?"  So much for sleep.  We got up and made the 2 little squirts pancakes and eggs.  We had to take Zu Zu home a few hours ago and Tysen was so heart broken.  We asked what was wrong and he said, "I miss playing brother & sister."  Back to being the only little one in the house.  It is time for big brother to have a little sibling to watch over. 

"Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero."  ~Marc Brown

the blessing of friends...

There is an old African proverb that says, "Go FAST, go alone;  Go FAR, go together..."  The older I get the truer this becomes.  The daily steps of pursuing Paxton continues.  Bank statements, questions, and finger print waivers sit on my desk.  We have to open up our souls and our lives daily, and it can be stressful @ times feeling like you have to answer every question perfectly or you will be rejected by the adoption agency.  But then I see the hands of so many friends getting "dirty" right along side us.  One friend passionalty looking for creative ways to help us raise funds; 5 sets of couples, taking hours of their life to fill out reference forms on our behalf; and still others, giving from their lives financially (I just recieved another $25 check yesterday).

I am excited for all of us on this journey together.  Thank you so very much for your daily encouragements.  We are passionate about going far together with you in this proces...

Steven Curtis Chapman - When Love Takes You In

update: deadlines & urgency...

Historically, Korea has a wonderful history of helping young "orphaned" children find a home. The first official adoption took place in 1953 (during hardships @ the end of the Korean War), and since then, over 150,000 adoptions have taken place.  However, according to our agent and public records, South Korea is aiming to close their adoption system to internationals in early 2012.  Only those adoptions that are already in process will be allowed to take place!  In addition, our agency is taking limited applicants.  Currently, we are one of those applicants.  However, that is only official as long as we have the money to complete this adoption!

So there is an urgent mandate upon us to get our funding raised and complete our adoption.  We believe God has asked us to partner with Him in this process and we will do everything humanly possible to do our part.  We now have a deadline set, to acquire 100% of the funding needed for this adoption.  Sunday, April 30, 2011 - is our target date.  Please pray with us in our process to see God's desire of adopting Paxton fulfilled.

the ellen show...

So the journey continues.  As I stated in my last post, a friend gave the first dollar towards the $30,000 needed to adopt Paxton.  Another friend gave us a $5 bill the other day and I received a facebook post that another $10 is on the way from the north.  It could be viewed as $16 total, or it could be seen as the foundation.  As one ancient proverb states: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."  So with that, the journey of 30,000 miles has taken its first steps....

God is sending creative ideas our way on how he may want to provide the funding.  We have a friend on the West coast who is using their talents and gifting to come with a creative way for people to give toward the adoption (more to come on that in the near future, and how you may be apart of it).  Another avenue of appeal we have taken is in a "desperate needs contest."  There is a TV program called "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" (think Oprah, but funny).  She has a regular contest going on every week where you can write her stating your story and your financial need.  If she sees fit she may give toward some or all of your need.  So last week, we submitted the 1500 word essay required along with a family photo, and now the fate of that is in the hands of the producers.  Obviously, there are millions of people submitting things, but you never now in what ways God will choose to provide.  All we know is that God WILL provide, but he does expect us to do all we can to partner with him in the process.  Please continue to pray with us not just for creativity, but for the supernatural provision of God even above and beyond our efforts.

one dollar...

Quitting is not an option.  We will continue to walk out this adoption as it is close and passionate to your heart.  We will adopt this baby or die trying!  The Bible tells us in the book of James, "Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans..."  I love this idea that it says MUST.  Not it would be good if you have time OR here is a multiple choice selection, choose one of the following.  No, it says we must care for orphans; and in doing so, it is seen by God as a pure and lasting act of following Jesus...

Just the other day, my friend gave us the first dollar towards the adoption of Paxton.  She had given us a dollar to begin the adoption of Tysen as well.  The same amount given in the same office; standing under the same door.  The fruit of that dollar was Tysen.  And again we are trusting, that the fruit of this $1 will be our baby Paxton.

three days in...

So, here we are, three days into the adoption process for Paxton [for those who will be tracking we do not know if our baby will be a boy or girl...however, we have decided that Paxton will be their name either way].  I received an email today from our agent discussing various topics such as finger printing issues, etc.  At the end she notes, "by the way, Korea has changed their policy.  They want to know you can afford the adoption, so they want to see most, if not all of the money up front and in your bank account."  Since we adopted Tysen, South Korea has upped the total cost of adoption to $30,000.  So she is saying that basically in the next three months (tops) we need to have ALL this money!  During Tysen's adoption we were allowed to produce this money over and 18 month period through fund raisers, gifts, appeals, tax returns, etc.  Now, the playing field is different.  The strategy will be different.  The timing will be different.  Do we keep going OR do we quit?

the journey...

Five years ago, my husband and I adopted a little boy from South Korea.  Tysen has changed our life forever!  For those of you who followed us on that 18 month journey, you know that it was quite an adventure.  Ups and downs....tears and laughter; but never a dull moment. 

Two weeks ago, we received our acceptance package to start the adoption process for our second baby!  This time around we want to keep all of you in the details of all that is transpiring.  We will try to be real and open and honest about our highs and our lows.  Our joy our anger.  Let the journey begin...